~~Quick Wit~~

~Even if you're on the right track, you'll still get run over if you just sit there.~

~Will Rogers~

~The scientific theory I like best, is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.~

~Mark Russell~

~A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his client to plant vines.~

~Frank Lloyd Wright~

~My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they both turned sixty and it was the law.~

~Jerry Seinfeld~

~All men are homeless but some men are home, less than others.~

~Bessie & Beulah~

~The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.~

~Erma Bombeck~

~A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.~

~Burt Bacharach~

~I locked my keys in the car and had to break the windshield to get my wife out.~

~Red Skelton~

~Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My Husband forgot the code to turn of the security alarm. When the police arrived he wouldn't admit he had forgotten the code...he turned himself in.~

~Rita Rudner~

~My mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, "Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim." ~

~Paula Poundstone~

~I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people.~

~Former U.S. Vice-President, Dan Quayle~

~A person who has just retired from his job writes: I get up each morning and dust off my wits, go pick up the paper and read the obits. If my name isn't there I know I'm not dead; I get a good breakfast and go back to bed.~

~Unknown~

~A snail got mugged by two tortoises.

When he went to the police, they questioned him as to what happened.

He said, "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"~

Somtimes I think I understand everything, then I gain consciousness.

If at first you don't succeed, see if the loser gets anything.~

~Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree.

After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air

waving his front legs, and crashed to the ground. After

recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell

to the ground.

The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds

sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts.

Finally, the female bird turned to her mate.

"Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."~

~If I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'd put

shoes on my cat.~

~I believe no problem is so large or so difficult that

It can't be blamed on somebody else.~

~One of life's mysteries is how a two-pound box of candy

can make you gain five pounds.~

~My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.~

~You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a

rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.~

~Men have more blood that women. Men have 1.5 gallons

versus .875 gallons for women. That's probably because men

tend to spill more of it, what with football...hockey...shaving...~

~Jeanne Pierre Francois Blanchard built the first parachute and

tested it using a dog. He put the dog in a basket equipped

with his invention and then dropped it from a hot air balloon.

It was a giant step forward for aviation history, but a giant

step backwards in establishing the dog as man's best friend.~

~There is an average of 50,000 spiders per acre in green areas.

I think I have more that in my garage and it's only 20x20.~

~Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.~

~Insanity is my only means of relaxation.~

~Forget the health food; I need all the preservatives I can get.~

~Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.~

~A Quick Witted Prayer~

Dear Lord,

So far today, I am doing all right.

I have not gossiped, or lost my temper.

I have not been greedy, grumpy, nasty,

selfish or self indulgent.

However, I am going to get out of bed

in a few minutes

and will need a lot more help after that...

~Amen~

{Thanks Aunt Ray}

~~~~~~~~~~

~~Quick Wit On Love, By Kids Ages 5-10~~

What is the proper age to get married?

"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife." {Tom, 5}

What do most people do on a date?

"On the first date they just tell each other lies, and that

usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." {Mike, 9}

When is it okay to kiss someone?

"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to

buy her a big ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have

videos of the wedding." {Jim, 10}

Concerning why Love happens between two particular people:

"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something

to do with how you smell. That is why perfume and deodorant

are so popular." {Jan, 9}

On what falling in Love is like: